Noleander: First pass of changes

← Previous revision	Revision as of 14:00, 1 September 2026
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* Pay for jury models? I cannot find if the artists got paid for their work in the 1st and 2nd jury submissions. "Rather than commission Hiltunen, the board appointed a committee to study the matter further." Especially the 2nd jury: the models look expensive, where artists paid at all?	* Pay for jury models? I cannot find if the artists got paid for their work in the 1st and 2nd jury submissions. "Rather than commission Hiltunen, the board appointed a committee to study the matter further." Especially the 2nd jury: the models look expensive, where artists paid at all?
Okay, I found a footnote {{green	First prize paid 750,000 Finnish markka, second 500,000, and third 300,000; a redeemed proposal cost 150,000 markka.}} That should be in the body text.	Okay, I found a footnote {{green	First prize paid 750,000 Finnish markka, second 500,000, and third 300,000; a redeemed proposal cost 150,000 markka.}} That should be in the body text.
:::DONE (My apologies ... I moved these details from the main body to a footnote during my previous re-edit of the article. I can restore them, accordingly. As for whether the artists were paid after the first round, I suppose I don't have evidence that explicitly states they ''were'' paid, but I also have found no evidence that they ''weren't'' ... the latter surely would have been a scandal. My understanding is the first round prizes were indeed paid, and three works were purchased as redeemed proposals. I also read that the second round had no prizes.) ~ SoJ

* Cost of full project: I cannot find the cost of the full project. There is	* Cost of full project: I cannot find the cost of the full project. There is
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:* {{green	There were also issues with Hiltunen's fee, which the Sibelius Society reduced by a quarter on ...}}	:* {{green	There were also issues with Hiltunen's fee, which the Sibelius Society reduced by a quarter on ...}}
:Readers will want to know the full cost. Did they stay under the 1M markka limit? or go over it? What was Hiltunen's fee? Did the S. Society unilaterally reduce the fee without her agreement? Or did she agree to the reduction during the negotiations for the commission/contract?	:Readers will want to know the full cost. Did they stay under the 1M markka limit? or go over it? What was Hiltunen's fee? Did the S. Society unilaterally reduce the fee without her agreement? Or did she agree to the reduction during the negotiations for the commission/contract?
:: All excellent questions, and one's I, too, asked. Unfortunately, despite my best effort, I have not been able to find this information. I suppose it's possible the ''HS'' archives have an accounting that I missed, but I can state definitively that existing secondary sources are silent on cost matters, save for the details I provided. Also, my reading of Hiltunen's interview is that the fee reduction was unilateral (given that she seems to be addressing various ways she was wronged). But, again, I don't know for certain. ~ SoJ

* Wording: {{green	A final part of the Sibelius Monument's legacy is that the Finnish state utilized it as a tool of cultural diplomacy ...}} Consider removing "A final part of the Sibelius Monument's legacy is that.." as it does not add anything to the sentence.	* Wording: {{green	A final part of the Sibelius Monument's legacy is that the Finnish state utilized it as a tool of cultural diplomacy ...}} Consider removing "A final part of the Sibelius Monument's legacy is that.." as it does not add anything to the sentence.
:: DONE ~ SoJ

* {{green	More broadly, the Sibelius Monument's realization coincided with...}} Not sure "More broadly" is needed, or even accurate. Consider removing.	* {{green	More broadly, the Sibelius Monument's realization coincided with...}} Not sure "More broadly" is needed, or even accurate. Consider removing.
:: DONE ~ SoJ

* Link at first mention: [[Aimo Tukiainen]]	* Link at first mention: [[Aimo Tukiainen]]
:: DONE (Apologies ... this was caused by my recent footnoting of competition jury members, given that Tukiainen was a first round participant.) ~ SoJ

* More precise wording? {{green	Refusing to outsource the monument's fabrication, Hiltunen herself textured the pipes...}} Other text in the article suggests that is not fully accurate. When written in the encyclopedia's voice, the wording gives the impression of trying to promote or brag about the artist. She did not personally build the entire thing: (a) A 21-year-old welder, Emil Kukkonen, assisted the artist in welding the pipes ... ; and (b) certainly a foundry cast the head. The word "outsource" generally means "hire another company to do a part of the job". Hiring an assistant welder to work in the shop alongside the artist is not outsourcing. Hiring a foundry ''is'' outsourcing. So the wording {{green	Refusing to outsource the monument's fabrication ..}} seems not precise. That whole phrase could be deleted. Simply state who did what: "Hiltunen did the decorative texturing"; "Assistant Kukkonend did some of the welding to assemble the pipes together"; "Foundry ABC did the casting of the head" etc. Let the readers draw their own conclusions.	* More precise wording? {{green

* Improve punctuation and/or wording: {{green	In May 1967, Hiltunen and her team began erecting the monument, piecing together the 14 components; to provide adequate wind resistance, they dug holes 1.5 metres (4 ft 11 in) deep and reinforced underground components with additional steel and concrete.}} Rather hard to parse. I'm a big fan of semicolons, but that one is not great. Consider a period (.) after "the 14 components".	* Improve punctuation and/or wording: {{green	In May 1967, Hiltunen and her team began erecting the monument, piecing together the 14 components; to provide adequate wind resistance, they dug holes 1.5 metres (4 ft 11 in) deep and reinforced underground components with additional steel and concrete.}} Rather hard to parse. I'm a big fan of semicolons, but that one is not great. Consider a period (.) after "the 14 components".
:: DONE ~ SoJ

* "Dedication" section contains: {{green	The artist's depression alarmed her family members and physician.[80] Feeling isolated in Finland,[81] Hiltunen established a second home in Monticchiello, Italy.[82][83]}} - How soon was that after the dedication? Unless it was within 1 week or so, maybe those sentences belong in the "Post-dedication" section.	* "Dedication" section contains: {{green	The artist's depression alarmed her family members and physician.[80] Feeling isolated in Finland,[81] Hiltunen established a second home in Monticchiello, Italy.[82][83]}} - How soon was that after the dedication? Unless it was within 1 week or so, maybe those sentences belong in the "Post-dedication" section.
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* Clarify: {{green	At least twice, Hiltunen accused other artists of violating her copyright. }} Not clear that the first example she "accused" anyone. The text for 1st event says she was notified and she declined to take legal action. Suggest improve wording to make it more consistent: either add words about 1st event accusation; or change "Hiltunen accused other artists" to softer wording such as "There were suggestions that other artists ..." or similar.	* Clarify: {{green	At least twice, Hiltunen accused other artists of violating her copyright. }} Not clear that the first example she "accused" anyone. The text for 1st event says she was notified and she declined to take legal action. Suggest improve wording to make it more consistent: either add words about 1st event accusation; or change "Hiltunen accused other artists" to softer wording such as "There were suggestions that other artists ..." or similar.

* Wording: {{green	Given the Sibelius Monument's international fame,[84] the Finnish state has utilized it as a tool of cultural diplomacy. ...}} "Given the.." is not a phrase commonly used in an encyclopedia. Should be reworded in a more academic manner. Maybe {{blue	The Sibelius Monument's international fame has led the Finnish state ... }} or similar.	* Wording: {{green
:: DONE ~ SoJ

* P vs PP errors	* P vs PP errors
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Lampinen 1998, pp. 68. P/PP error? pp. 68.;	Lampinen 1998, pp. 68. P/PP error? pp. 68.;
Limnell 2018, p. 17–18. P/PP error? p. 17–18.;	Limnell 2018, p. 17–18. P/PP error? p. 17–18.;
:: DONE (Argh ... can't believe I missed those. Thanks.) ~ SoJ

* Overall, the MOS compliance looks good.	* Overall, the MOS compliance looks good.
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* That is all for now. Let me know when you have considered the above items. [[User:Noleander	Noleander]] ([[User talk:Noleander	talk]]) 12:49, 1 September 2026 (UTC)	* That is all for now. Let me know when you have considered the above items. [[User:Noleander
:: Hello, Noleander! Great to meet you, and thank you for your review. I will address these shortly. Warmly, [[User:Silence of Järvenpää	<span style="color:#B78727; font-family:Futura, 'Century Gothic', Inter, sans-serif; letter-spacing: 1px; font-weight: bold;">〔 Silence of Järvenpää 〕</span>]] 13:35, 1 September 2026 (UTC)	: Hello, Noleander! Great to meet you, and thank you for your review. I will address these shortly. Warmly, [[User:Silence of Järvenpää	<span style="color:#B78727; font-family:Futura, 'Century Gothic', Inter, sans-serif; letter-spacing: 1px; font-weight: bold;">〔 Silence of Järvenpää 〕</span>]] 13:35, 1 September 2026 (UTC)

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